The little ships were the small water craft purposed in the second world war and crewed by civilians to rescue the cornered and defeated British troops from the French beaches of Dunkirk in 1940.
The term "the little ships" is synonymous with Ramsgate. Hundreds of little ships sailed from Ramsgate and brought back 336000 of British, French and Allied soldiers to safety.
A few of the original little ships still frequent the Royal harbour, a reminder of the sacrifices made by our ancestors, a symbol of defiance in the face of defeat.
I hope this incarnation of a food place with a non discript identity doesnt leave me caught at low tide.
Although the boats and yachts in Ramsgate marina may have changed over the years, I like to think that many thousands of people have sat in this same perfect spot and taken in the glory of England's only royally anointed harbour, just as I am today.
My spot today is a cafe bar called The Little Ships, funny enough..
There is a glorious smell of fresh coffee, and food.
By sheer luck a table had became available, suns out, its the seafront.. you can't be a slouch, you have to be on your toes to get one as a table outside any of the cafes and bars that form this parade is hard to find when its sunny.
Ramsgate enjoys a southerly aspect so sunshine is pretty much guaranteed all day (when it's sunny!) this is the first on the parade and has a canopy which creates a grateful shield from the glorious sun.
The Maitre'd greets you and shows you to your table, a waiter is busily serving and clearing.
This is what you come for, atmosphere, comfort sunshine, a nice bit of lunch.
Sunglasses are on, you feel like you are a movie star in Saint tropez who just came in on a yacht.
Do I go full on Italian and order an espresso? Yeah why not, when in Rome!
Wow the menu is priced for the well heeled Londoners, thats for sure.
The menu has two extremes, expensive paninis or very nice sounding but expensive meals. So my rationale is: do I pay for the most expensive panini this side of venice? Or pay Michelin star sounding with prices to match for a complete unknown...
The void in the middle is the Breakfast.
Thats safe.
Priced at £15 for what is described as a sausage, egg, bacon, beans, hash brown, toast.
Anywhere else this is a small cooked breakfast and a third of the price, but you pay for quality, right?
And on a day like today, why not have a treat. Im looking forward to see how thay take a humble cooked breakfast from standard to legendary... It better be legendary!
We get some fresh juice as well and await our food.
The decor in the bar, although now adorned with old pictures and framed newspaper cuttings telling the story of the little ships, is actually almost unchanged in at least 20 years.
The former owner made all the structural alterations and interior design, so unchanged, apart from the name and the aforementioned pictures.
The windows all bi-fold back so even in inside window seat is just as good as sitting out side. It really is a splendid place, and obviously a gold mine as its really pulls in the unwitted.
I smile with excitement as I see our food arrive, I'm hungry but more-so eager to try this amazing breakfast.
The plates are put in front of us....
Do you remember being a kid opening your Christmas presents, that excitement as unwrapping, expecting something you always wanted, and having a deflated feeling when it's actually only a pair of pants.
That's how I felt.
I expected all of my Christmases on a plate, but I got pants, and even my pants were cheap..and had skids.
You know how you go into some higher end restaurants and the menus read something like:
Wagu, crust, pomme, jus.... And that's it?
You are supposed to be tantalised by the mystery, and thrilled by the creation that's served.
That's the experience I was expecting. Silly me.
When it said egg, it meant 1 egg, sausage is 1 sausage and you guessed it, bacon is 1 rasher.
What could have saved it at this point?
A big fat juicy farm house style sausage?
The type you see on TV that are produced from pedigree swine... The type you can't get hold of in supermarkets?
Nope, just a single sausage, probably out of a 6 pack from aldi speciality range. Nice, but just nice.
Same story with the bacon.
When a menu like this doesn't mention the provenance of its ingredients, its likely because it hasnt got any provenance. This hasn't got any provenance. Its got that je ne sais quois stuff though... Must have, I cant see it or taste it, but that must be what I'm paying for.
Okay, meat aside.... vegetarians and vegans will agree that the other elements in a cooked breakfast show the real intentions of a place like this.
Each individual item should leap out of the plate and scream EAT ME!
So I'm looking at the few elements on the plate looking for skill.
Hash browns. I expected them to be homemade at the very least. Show me your passion.
Believe it or not, I realise this is patronising... But hash browns are really easy to make.
You know if they are homemade as they do not come in the that triangle shape, they are the trade pack frozen ones, the same used in every cheap greasy spoon in the country.
And that's exactly what they are at The Little Ships. Straight from a bog standard caterers pack of frozen hash browns, deep fried for my pleasure.
I never wrote this reveiw to be a "lifting the lid"
I wanted it to be the BEST BREAKFAST IN THE COUNTY
It was lacking in every department.
Beans. In a small pot.
Toast. Reasonable bread, 1 slice.
Wheres the effort?
Wheres the passion?
Where's my breakfast?
Where's my money gone?
That's going on for £60 Inc a tip which is added for 2 small breakfasts a couple of juices and espressos....
It's the smaller operators like this that will moan about trade, especially when you could go up the road, sit in the sun in luxurious surroundings and pay just a quater of this for the same two breakfasts and drinks, and that's a fact.
I can't tell if this is emporers new clothes syndrome, and the owner thinks he is wearing the finest robes known to mankind, and everyone is wrong if they see or say different, or whether it is a pure and simple tourist trap.
But as far as those robes go, I can see straight through them.
HOW DID IT SHIP SHAPE UP?
1) Is it to the expected standard? NO It was woefully underwhelming.. NO POINT.
2) Does it do something that you have always wanted to try? Well I wondered what a £15 breakfast was like, and found it to be pretty much the same as a wetherspoons. NO POINT.
3) Is it fairly priced? No, it appears to have ideas of grandure. NO POINT.
4) Cleanliness, including customer toilets. It was very clean as you would expect. ONE STAR
5) Service. It was there. We was shown to a table, order taken, drinks and food brought to us. Nothing out of the ordinary. I would have given a star but they applied a tip to the bill. Thats an instant fail in my book. NO STAR
CONTRIBUTING EVIDENCE
A) Does it have a clear and relevant identity? It should have been called the stage coach, as it is daylight robbery. It does set itself apart from its neighbours, but only on price.
B) Does it stand out for quality and standards? On the evidence of my breakfast I have to say no.
C) Is there areas of the business that someone else does better? Wetherspoons. Im sorry, I cant look past the sheer brazen arrogance of the menu and its pricing.
D) Does it diversify? No.
E) Will customers return without hesitation? I wont, I am sure some will pay without care to the cost. This just smacks of making hay while the sunshines, and with the new spring shoots new grass.
Farewell little ships.
Unlike the real little ships my ship has sailed, never to return.
I CAN ONLY AWARD ONE STAR BECAUSE IT WAS CLEAN.
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"I Expect Just What I've Always Expected - For You To Make Up Your Own Damn Mind. Believe Me, Or Don't."