There are hookahs down northdown road. No really, not hookers... Hookahs...
Across the back is a large covered seating area, the whole width, it is massive. Under it are low backed couches and tables, and there were a few families eating their evening meal.
Ah Northdown road. My separate review will build the picture of the generation of new cultural entrepreneurs who have made Cliftonville their home, and a place to make a name for themselves.
My voyage of discovery along this now world famous road brings me to Pasha, a Lebanese restaurant.
You could be along any famous London road here, its busy, fast paced, its the kind of place where every other food establishment holds a Michelin star, or its head chef appeared on Saturday morning kitchen the other day.
Pasha has that street presence of being a quality pitch but with that very over the top veneer of a grey haired man with Turkey teeth. It almost looks tacky, but if this is anything like London, never judge a book by its cover.
We booked, it is summer, we got our spending heads on and we want to be blown away, not by the hookahs though, we dont smoke.
We want to try something completely different that is going to blow our minds.
We make our booking time a little late, but we get to the door to an empty restaurant, its a long and narrow room, chairs and tables either side, central walkway, We tentatively walk in... Was it even open?
A siloette appears through the back door like a contestant on Stars In Their Eyes, striding towards us from a cloud of smoke...
Full on hospitality OTT welcome...
Where do you want to sit we was asked... Inside or outside? Well inside had all the appeal of sitting in a covid ward waiting room, so outside... I want to have a good nose around as well.
The back door opens to a yard, to the left is a shed come bar (thats where they lock up their hookahs), a few seats and tables in front of that in the open, but it had puddles of water from the earlier rain. I didnt fancy a soggy bottom.
We opt to sit on a table for 2 which was more in the natural light, and a bit away from everyone else.
It's noisy, kids screaming, mum and dad lounging aroud, picking at their platters of food.
It looks and feels every bit the community place to come and eat.
We ask for ths ash tray on our table to be removed, it was dirty with cigarette butts.
People around us are smoking cigarettes and in the open seating area people are enjoying their hookahs. The mood is set with some north african music, it really does feel almost authentic. That is to be applauded.
Im not sure where they sit with the smoking ban in enclosed spaces though.
We are given the menus, but not before the waiter put his cigarette out...his mouth still smoking as he spoke to us.
Its all part of the experience I told myself, although im not sure its an excuse.
I am really excited about the food. There are lots of things I recognised by name, lots I didnt.
Unsure where to start and no way of knowing what you actually get, we decided to start with the hot starter sharing meze and side orders of chicken wings and haloumi cheese.
It's not cheap, but give it the benefit of the doubt. We are about £30 in food already, at least the wine was cheap, okay it was only Blossom Hill, but by restaurant prices it was about £14 which was a price I would bite their tajine off for any day of the week.
The hot starter would have some hommos style dips, bread, okra, falafel and something else I had no idea, what was coming. Im expecting piles of stuff.
Drum roll for the platter of my dreams.
Like I said, the families behind had huge platters of food, so if its anything like that then we are in for a treat. They had so much they got up and left loads of it, you could tell they were right at home here.
Eventually the platter and the other dishes came out.
Okaaayyy... Underwhelming, a few dips in very shallow ramekins, there are couple of tiny falafels, one bit of pitta that had been cut to small bits, a couple of the things which I didnt know what they were, and a ketchup dip sized thimble of what can only be described as raw green cabbage with vinegar, its woody and makes you wince .. That was it.
The chicken wings were about 4 in number, and were so small there was nothing on them apart from the sauce which was devoid of flavour.
The halumi cheese, well dont bother.. There wasnt a haluvalot of that either.
Now we've got a bottle of shit wine to get through, calm down on the eating...
This wasnt a feast, it was a few canapes and dips.
The price of mains sky rocketed to £22 for a mixed grill kebab which is what I would want to try, but based on this dismal display, my money is coming home with me tonight.
We didnt even ask for the bill, we went inside to pay, our friendly smoking hookah man trotted after us to run the bill through.. I declined to pay for service, he seemed quite happy with that, he's obviously used to it.
Despite not even having a main meal each we walked out £50 lighter and still hungry.
Sadly I couldnt be kinder if I tried. I wont return even for a £14 bottle of Blossom Hill.
HOW DOES IT SCORE
1) Is it to the expected standard?
A laughable NO POINT
2) Does it do something that you have always wanted to try?
Its supposed to offer everything I wanted to try, but I regret ordering everything NO POINT
3) Is it fairly priced?
The wine was okay NO POINT
4) Cleanliness, including customer toilets
Dirty ash tray on the table NO POINT
5) Service
CHOO! CHOO! NO POINT
CONTRIBUTING EVIDENCE
A) Does it have a clear and relevant identity?
Yes it does, but without delivery it as limp as its hukkahs hose.
B) Does it stand out for quality and standards?
The food was painfully disappoiting, the service was pleasant enough as long as you dont mind smoke breath
C) Is there areas of the business that someone else does better?
I haven't got the patience to answer.
D) Does it diversify?
As above, im only writing this to amuse myself now.
E) Will customers return without hesitation?
Cleay people that don't get served what we did, or probably pay the same price we did. Smokers will love it though.
THIS IS THE FIRST AND ONLY COMPLETE BLOW OUT JOB (HOOKAH PUN INTENDED) I CANT SCORE IT 1 STAR FOR ANYTHING.
I WANTED TO GET BLOWN AWAY BY THE FOOD MADE WITH PASSION AND PRIDE, TO FEEL LIKE I AM TRANSPORTED TO A BERBER PARADISE, BUT ALL I WAS LEFT WITH WAS A BITTER TASTE IN MY MOUTH, WHICH WASN'T SOMETHING I EXPECTED TO SWALLOW.
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