THE TARTAR FRIGATE, BROADSTAIRS. Exceptional seafood they say? Something fishys going on, that's for sure.
Broadstairs is a compact picturesque town celebrated as one of the jewels of the Kent coast.
This is a place which is home to people that have done alright, have a few quid in their back pocket.
The types that have a round of golf before a Sunday drive in their Silver Shadow 2, while the wife shops at Marks and Spencers. Let's call them Mr and Mrs Habit, they stick to their kind, and exist blissfully ignorant to change. They like what they like, and they will keep doing it until they can do it no more.
Just about sums it up.
In the shadow of Bleak House where Dickens was said to have written some of his classics is where you will find one of most authentic traditional pubs, and seafood restaurant, the beautiful Tartar Frigate.
In the winter it's a cosy haven, and in the summer it is the prime location for a chilled beverage, with light pouring in from the sunny aspect windows and doors.
Grilled whole skate wing with capers and black butter for £19.95. This is their advert.
For everyone else Broadstairs has the stunning golden sandy beach and jetty, and is regarded as a great place to enjoy some great pubs and sensational restaurants.
A stunning flint building, with origins from the 1600's, it is the postcard perfect public house situated meters from the beach.
Former British Prime Minister Ted Heath could often be seen enjoying a drink here.
Its impossible to think that Dickens himself wouldn't have also been a customer.
If only these walls could talk!
Step inside and it's all wood and rough plaster walls, low hanging lights and nooks.
When you visit any coastal town, this is the type place you want to stumble across, it will be remembered in your tales of Broadstairs for evermore.
You cannot imagine a more fitting place for a stunning seafood restaurant.
To get here you will have passed some gloriously inviting places, indeed Wyatt and Jones only a few doors away has received a listing in the Michelin Guide, an accolade of the highest order.
Here, outside the Tartar Frigate there is a menu on display.
This for me is an alarming red flag, its very, how do I say this... old fashioned, dated...boring! Surely this is an old relic from the 90's?
No, it can't be from the 90's, it's too expensive!
A bit of research on Google, and the owners describe The Tartar Frigate as an "exceptional seafood restaurant." Something isn't right.
Of the 7 seafood dishes on the main menu, there is nothing exceptional.
I look at social media for more clues.
The following pictures are taken from their own social media. The reason, I would presume is to advertise, entice, delight their prospective customers.
Social media is your shop window, and like a shop window, it presents what and who you are.
The picture below I can only assume is a bit of Salmon, with cucumber and radishes passed through a mandolin which is un-ceremoniously dumped on top, price unknown. Pic taken, posted on social media. A proud triumph.
A plate of battered things, with a sauce made from Hellman's (that is no way homemade) garnished with... I'm struggling now...
They've even managed to make lobster look a dogs dinner. I can't do it anymore, I can't bring myself to write words, This is outrageous.
How can this be food from The Tartar Frigate, a name by which if mentioned around here is swiftly followed by words to the effect of "they do fantastic seafood there".
So how has this giant, this apex entity become so hideously destroyed?
The Tartar Frigate might have been the killer whale once, but now it's just as limp as the flopped fin of a captivite whale that has to circle around and around doing the same things, day in day out until it dies.
I attempt to be constructive in my reviews. I try to avoid the temptation to spew my opinions when I dislike something. I try to find the purpose, and show you the reader why this place is here. I'm struggling.
I'm struggling to understand how the owners are so stuck in their ways, so blinkered by what's going on around them.
The owners are a huge hospitality operator which prides itself on its quality venues, and for that no one can disagree, but when they say exceptional whilst rubbing shoulders with a Michelin listed restaurant, and serving food that belongs in the 90's, you've got to admit, that takes balls.
I have to wonder if it's ignorance or arrogance?
I started this review with the generalisation of a typical resident of well-off Broadstairs. Maybe I should have said that after golf Mr and Mrs Habit went to The Tartar Frigate, because they always have, and they do so because they serve what they always had. Expensive food, premium location, And that's all they want.
HOW DOES IT SCORE
1) Is it to the expected standard? Im sorry to dissappoint but it just isnt good enough. Its lazy, almost arrogant in the way it talks itself up, but underwhelming in delivery. NO POINT
2) Does it do something that you have always wanted to try? You wont find anything interesting here. Sure, wheel grandad out for his birthday treat he will enjoy his battered cod. Other than that its low end mediocrity. NO POINT
3) Is it fairly priced? It would be if it was singing and dancing on the plate.
If this was served anywhere else that didnt market its self as serving exceptional seafood I would be more forgiving. NO POINT
4) Cleanliness, including customer toilets. cannot fault the cleanliness. ONE POINT
5) Service. Service is the usual solid Thorley Tavern standard. ONE POINT
CONTRIBUTING EVIDENCE
A) Does it have a clear and relevant identity? It certainly shouts what it is, it knows what it is, but its not what it says, or what it does.
It smacks of just do this and charge that...
B) Does it stand out for quality and standards? There is no denying that the setting is cute, and the service of food and beverages is first class. Sadly thats where it ends.
C) Is there areas of the business that someone else does better?
Its time to drop the act. If you can't peer through your neighbours window to get an idea of what you should be doing, then look at ANGELAS in Margate.
D) Does it diversify? Im not sure there is much opportunity for diversity, the pub will always attract people, small plates are available in the bar.
E) Will customers return without hesitation? Based on my experience and opinion I say a confident no. There will be those that are ritually local returners, like Mr and Mrs Habit. But for people looking for exceptional seafood will find much better next door.
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